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You don't have to earn your right to exist.
Low self-esteem can feel like walking on eggshells in your own mind.
A harsh inner voice that calls you names when you make mistakes.
The sinking fear that if you stop achieving or performing, you will be rejected.
When you live with low self-esteem, it can feel like you are auditioning for your own life. You might be holding it all together on the surface, but inside, you are tired of waiting to feel worthy.
Our therapists understand how deep these feelings run. For you, maybe it shows up as:
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never feeling good enough,
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second-guessing your decisions,
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over-apologizing for taking up space, or
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replaying conversations in your head late at night.
Our job is to help you listen to that inner critic to find where your sense of safety and worth isn't tied to what you do.
Your Guide to Self-Esteem Therapy
Jump to:
What is self-esteem, really?
Self-Esteem is a sense of your own worth and value.
We often think of self-esteem as simply confidence or feeling good about ourselves.
But true self-worth is deeper than that. It's the internal atmosphere of your mind and the safety of your relationship with yourself.
Self-Esteem often asks: "Am I good enough? Am I better than others? Did I succeed?" It can be fragile, rising and falling with achievements or approval.
You might view low self-esteem as a flaw, but we view it as a learned survival strategy.
Your nervous system learned the safest way to avoid rejection. The Inner Critic can develop as a way to police your own behavior to prevent future harm.
Your Inner Critic isn't trying to hurt you; it's trying to protect you from external pain.
Therapy helps you soften this protection so your body isn't in a constant state of threat.
Are you experiencing low self-esteem?
Low self-worth shows up in how you think, relate to others, and hold yourself in the world.
The Internal Monologue (Cognitive Signs):
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The Imposter Experience: You feel like a fraud and worry that you are constantly on the verge of being found out.
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Discounting Praise: You deflect when someone compliments you, assuming they don't know the real (flawed) you.
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Rigid Standards: You hold yourself to an impossible standard of perfection that you would never expect from a friend.
The Relational Impact (Behavioral Signs):
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Chronic Apologizing: You find yourself saying I'm sorry for taking up space, having needs, or things out of your control.
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People-Pleasing: You prioritize others' comfort over your own truth to avoid conflict, leaving you resentful or burnt out.
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Social Chameleon-ing: You shift your personality, opinions, or interests to match who you are with, losing touch with yourself.
The Felt Sense (Physical & Somatic Signs):
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Physical Collapse: Slouching, crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or trying to make your body invisible.
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Voice Constriction: You feel a lump in your throat or lose your voice when you try to assert a boundary.
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Dysregulation: You oscillate between feeling revved up (trying to prove your worth) and shutting down (feeling hopeless).
These are not weaknesses. They are simply signs that you have been carrying too much for too long. Therapy can help you create safety so you don't need the protection of self-criticism.
What causes low self-esteem?
You were not born criticizing yourself.
Self-doubt is a learned behavior, often developed as a brilliant way to survive difficult environments.
Understanding where these beliefs came from is the first step in unlearning them.
Some common contributors include:
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Early Attachment Wounds: If love felt conditional based on your grades, behavior, or mood, you may have learned you are only worthy when you perform.
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Trauma and Survival: Experiences of bullying, abuse, emotional neglect, or other significant harm can freeze a sense of shame (believing you are bad) in your body.
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Systemic Oppression: Living in a world that does not validate your identity, whether due to race, gender, or sexuality, can lead to internalized oppression.
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Culture of Comparison: In the age of social media and high-performance pressure, it's easy to feel like you are falling behind. This erodes your sense of worth.
Our therapists, including those specializing in BIPOC and LGBTQ+ care, understand how trauma and discrimination targets self-worth.
When is it a good time to consider therapy for self-esteem?
You might think you aren't struggling enough to need or deserve support.
You might tell yourself, I have a good life, I shouldn't feel this way, or others have it so much worse.
You do not need to be in a crisis to deserve care.
If you find that your inner dialogue is more of a bully than a friend, therapy can help.
It might be time to reach out if:
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Success feels hollow: You achieve your goals but feel no sense of pride—only relief that you didn't fail.
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Relationships are draining: You are constantly over-functioning for others and feel resentful or unseen.
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You don't want to pass your patterns down: Your self-talk is affecting your family and you want the cycle to stop with you.
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You are tired of the mask: The effort and energy cost of pretending to be okay is leading to burnout or isolation.
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Decision paralysis: You are so afraid of making the wrong choice that you struggle to make any choice at all.
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You are ready for a new relationship with yourself: You are tired of being your own worst enemy.
If any of these sound familiar, you are not broken. You are hurting. Stepping into therapy is one way you can tell yourself: I matter, and my pain matters.
How does therapy actually build self-worth?
Therapy for self-esteem is not just saying affirmations and giving you compliments.
Our goal is to help you rewire how you relate to yourself in the context of a safe relationship.
We provide a space where you don't have to perform, please, or perfect, so you can accept yourself as you are.
A good therapist helps you work with your inner critic. Fighting your inner critic can make it louder; we help you listen to what it's really trying to tell you.
Therapy for self-esteem can help you:
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Unmask Safely: Be seen and accepted without judgment, telling your body it is safe to be you.
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Befriend the Critic: Learn to understand and soothe your internal protection mechanisms.
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Develop Self-Compassion: Learn to self-soothe in difficult moments, breaking the spiral of shame.
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Reclaim Your Voice: Honor your own needs as equal to others' and set positive boundaries.
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Embody Your Worth: Experience self-worth as a felt sensation in your body, allowing you to relax.
We believe your body knows best how to protect you. We help you feel more safe, more often.
What therapy approaches work best for self-esteem?
There are many approaches that help build self-worth.
We address the root of self-criticism, whether that root is in your thoughts, your body, or your history.
Our therapists draw from multiple evidence-based models.
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When shame feels overwhelming: Compassion-Focused Therapy helps train your brain to generate safety, rather than threat and criticism.
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When shame feels stuck in your body: Somatic Therapy helps you move sensations of unworthiness and gently release stored tension.
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When shame feels stuck in your head: ACT teaches you to observe your inner critic while taking action toward the life you value.
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When shame feels stuck in your words: Narrative Therapy helps you externalize the story of being broken and reclaim your voice.
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When shame feels stuck in your memories: EMDR Therapy helps your brain reprocess memories of past bullying, neglect, or trauma, allowing you to internalize a new belief: I am worthy exactly as I am.
Our therapists are trained in multiple approaches so they can build a plan unique to your needs and preferences.
To learn more about all the methods we use, explore our full Approaches to Therapy library.
What happens in self-esteem therapy?
Therapy is a collaborative process.
You are the expert on your life, and we are the guides for the process.
Our first priority is creating a space of safety and non-judgment. You are in control of the pace, and you don't have to share anything you aren't ready to.
In the first session, we build safety: This is a low-pressure conversation to get to know you. We explore your history, strengths, and what a confident version of you looks like.
In the beginning, we look for patterns: We move between exploring the roots of your self-doubt and building practical skills for your daily life. This might look like:
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Using mindfulness to observe with non-judgment
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Practicing assertiveness for setting boundaries
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Doing inner child work to heal younger parts
As we progress, we practice integration: Therapy is about becoming more of who you are. The goal is to reach a place where you can have a bad day, make a mistake, or receive criticism without spiraling into shame.
Whether you join us in-person in Calgary or online across Alberta, our goal is always the same: to create a space where you feel safe enough to heal.
Meet our featured Self-Esteem Therapists
Our therapists are real people who understand the pressure to perform.
CERTIFIED CANADIAN COUNSELLOR
I help you tune into your body's wisdom to set boundaries and release stress. I specialize in helping high-functioning individuals who struggle with people-pleasing and burnout to find freedom from constant worry.
REGISTERED PSYCHOLOGIST
I offer a safe, affirming space for 2SLGBTQ+ and BIPOC individuals. I specialize in deep work with shame, guilt, and trauma, helping you release the weight of the past and treat yourself with radical gentleness.
REGISTERED SOCIAL
WORKER
I help you move from surviving to empowered. I specialize in helping BIPOC individuals and those navigating grief or identity shifts to rediscover their inherent strength and find peace within themselves.
Why is it so hard to feel 'good enough' in Alberta?
Our environment plays a huge role in how we view ourselves.
In Calgary and across Alberta, we often live in a culture of high performance and hustle.
There are several factors that make building self-esteem particularly hard.
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The Productivity Trap: In a province driven by boom-and-bust economics, it is easy to tie your self-worth to your net worth or your job title. When the economy shifts or layoffs happen, it can lead to a profound identity crisis.
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The Be Strong Mentality: There is often a cultural pressure here to toughen up and push through pain. This can make it difficult to admit when you are struggling or to treat yourself with compassion.
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Seasonal Impact: Our long winters can increase feelings of loneliness and disconnection, giving the Inner Critic more time to amplify negative thoughts.
We understand these unique pressures and we can help you disentangle your worth from your productivity and find stability regardless of the climate.
You don't have to earn your worthiness.
You have spent enough time fighting against yourself.
You can feel the same kindness toward yourself that you so easily give to others.
You can thrive with self-compassion.
The next step is simple. You can book a free, 20-minute consultation to meet a therapist and see if it feels like a good fit.
No pressure, no commitment, just a conversation.
Our therapists offer daytime, evening, and weekend appointments to fit your lifestyle.
Common Questions About Self-Esteem Therapy
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is a relationship you build with yourself based on internal kindness. It is a tool for emotional safety, not evaluation. Research shows that while self-esteem creates pressure to be perfect, self-compassion creates the resilience to try again after you fail. It is the antidote to the shame spiral. Read this article by Psychologist Jiwon You to learn more: Feel Better with Self-Compassion.
I know logically I have worth, so why don't I feel it?
This is the knowing-feeling gap. Your nervous system may still be wired for shame or threat due to past experiences. This is why we use body-based approaches like Somatic Therapy to move that knowledge from your head into your body, so you can actually feel safe and worthy, not just think it.
Will accepting myself make me lazy or stop me from achieving my goals?
This is a common fear. Many of us believe we need our Inner Critic to motivate us. However, research shows that self-criticism actually activates the brain's threat system, leading to procrastination and burnout. Self-compassion releases the safety hormones that encourage risk-taking, resilience, and sustainable growth. You can achieve more when you aren't fighting yourself.
Is this just about 'positive affirmations'?
No. While affirmations can be helpful for some, deep self-esteem work is about integration, not just positivity. We don't ask you to lie to yourself or force happiness. We help you acknowledge your pain, validate your experience, and build a realistic, grounded view of your strengths.
I've felt unworthy since childhood. Can therapy really change that?
Yes. While childhood beliefs are deeply ingrained (often called Core Beliefs), the brain is neuroplastic—it can change throughout your life. Therapies like CFT and EMDR are specifically designed to rewire these old neural pathways, helping you update your internal operating system to reflect who you are today, not who you were told you were.
Do you offer direct billing?
Yes, many of our therapists can direct bill to most insurance companies (Blue Cross, Canada Life, Green Shield, Manulife, SunLife and others). If we cannot direct bill your specific plan, we will provide you with a receipt to submit for reimbursement. Learn more on our Insurance for Therapy in Calgary & Alberta page.
How much does therapy cost?
Our fees follow the Psychologists' Association of Alberta Recommended Fee Schedule. Rates vary depending on the therapist's credentials (e.g., Registered Psychologist, Social Worker, or Certified Canadian Counsellor). You can see the rates for each therapist on our Fees & Payment Policies page.
Do you offer online self-esteem therapy?
Yes, we offer secure video therapy to anyone in Alberta. Online therapy is convenient and effective for building self-esteem, especially if you prefer working in the comfort of your own space.
If you have more questions about therapy or the process, visit our FAQ page or contact us.
