Many men carry a lot without ever saying it out loud.
Some men come to therapy because something broke, like a relationship, a job or their health.
Others come because a partner, doctor or friend suggested they go.
Some aren’t sure what’s wrong, only that they feel off and can’t shake it.
Maybe you feel:
- angry
- numb
- on your own
- under pressure
You might have learned to stay strong and keep your feelings to yourself.
Men’s therapy gives you a place to set down what you’ve been carrying.
What is Men’s Therapy?
Men’s therapy helps you understand what you’re feeling, handle pressure and build connections that hold.
It starts from the idea that needing support is human, not weak.
Men’s therapy looks at the messages men grow up with about strength, success and feelings.
It can help with stress, anger, depression, loss, relationships, fatherhood, work or substance use.
It’s for men of every age, background and identity, including gay, bi and trans men.
The work is about building strength that includes feeling, not strength that hides it.
How Men’s Therapy Helps
Therapy is a place where you don’t have to have it all together.
It can help whether you’re in crisis or have felt flat for a long time.
In men’s therapy you can learn to:
- ask for help when you need it
- handle anger without hurting anyone
- name what you’re feeling
- reconnect with people who matter
- take care of your body and mind
Therapy can’t take away every pressure, but it can help you carry it.
Change can feel awkward at first, like learning a new language for what you feel.
You can be strong and still be supported.
What is a Men’s Therapist?
A men’s therapist is a registered therapist who understands the pressures many men face.
Many therapists work with men, and some specialize in men’s mental health.
Some have training in how men experience depression, which often shows up as anger, numbness or drinking.
Some work with men in demanding jobs, like the trades, first responders, farming or the military.
Some focus on fathers, divorce or family concerns.
Some specialize in men who experienced abuse.
What matters most is that the therapist is a good fit for you, whatever approach they use.
Some Approaches for Men’s Therapy
Compassion-Focused
It helps quiet the harsh inner voice that tells men to toughen up.
Somatic
It works with stress and tension in the body, not just talking about feelings.
Trauma-Sensitive
It recognizes the trauma many men faced, and goes at a pace that feels safe.
Walk and Talk
It moves therapy outdoors and side by side, which can make talking easier.
What to Expect in Men’s Therapy
Men’s therapy often starts with what’s going on in life right now.
Your therapist might ask about work, relationships, health and how you’ve been coping.
Early sessions often explore what’s hardest, what you’ve tried and what you want to change.
You can be direct and ask your therapist to be direct too.
Some therapists suggest small experiments between sessions, like reaching out to one friend.
If you’ve tried therapy before and it felt like a waste of time, that’s worth saying.
Men’s therapy can be short-term for a specific concern, or longer when there’s trauma or long-held patterns.
Men were taught to be the sturdy oak.
In 1976, psychologist Robert Brannon described four rules many men learned growing up.
No sissy stuff. Be a big wheel. Be a sturdy oak. Give ’em hell.
Feelings, he noticed, had no place in any of them.
In 1981, psychologist Joseph Pleck argued that these expectations caused strain, because no man could live up to them all.
In 1996, hockey player Sheldon Kennedy went to police about years of sexual abuse by his junior coach. He later became an advocate, and Calgary’s child advocacy centre now carries his name.
Continue reading
In 1997, therapist Terrence Real wrote I Don’t Want to Talk About It. He described hidden depression in men, often masked by work, drinking or anger.
In 2007, the Movember movement arrived in Canada, raising awareness of men’s health one moustache at a time.
In 2018, the American Psychological Association released its first guidelines for therapy with boys and men.
In Canada today, close to 3 in 4 people who die by suicide are men. If you’re thinking about suicide, you can call or text 988 any time in Canada.
But men’s struggles are often judged by what they do, not what they feel.
Men’s depression is often missed, because it can look like anger, drinking or overwork.
Many men are never taught words for feelings, then are judged for not using them.
Boys who are abused are often pressured into silence.
And therapy offices, with face-to-face talking about feelings, can feel uncomfortable for many men.
Trauma-sensitive men’s therapy works inside those gaps. It sees anger and numbness as signals, not character flaws. It makes room for trauma many men couldn’t name. It meets men in ways that feel comfortable, including movement and plain talk. And it treats asking for help as strength.
Trauma-sensitive therapy starts by meeting you where you are.
Trauma-Sensitive Men’s Therapy
What if toughing it out was how you survived?
When showing fear or hurt wasn’t safe, shutting it down may have been the only option.
Trauma-sensitive therapists move at a pace where feelings can come up without taking over.
5 phrases you might hear in Trauma-Sensitive Men’s Therapy:
- You don’t have to have it figured out.
- How did you hold it together?
- That sounds like a lot to carry.
- What helped you get through?
- Asking for help takes guts.
Trauma-sensitive men’s therapy invites you to trust yourself.
Principles of Trauma-Sensitive Men’s Therapy
Strength in feeling
Strength doesn’t mean feeling nothing. Naming what you feel can make you steadier, not weaker.
Anger as a signal
Anger often protects hurt, fear or grief. When you understand it, you can choose what to do with it.
Unnamed trauma
Many men carry trauma they’ve never called trauma. You deserve care, no matter what happened.
Your way in
Some men open up while walking, working or talking plainly. You can find the way in that fits you.
Questions You Can Ask a Men’s Therapist
A consultation is a good time to ask questions. Trust how you feel after the conversation as much as the answers themselves.
Do you work with a lot of men?
Can we be practical?
What if I don’t know what I feel?
Do you work with anger?
Do you offer walk and talk or online sessions?
Have you worked with men who were abused?
Related Topics in This Library
Where would you like to go next?
Free mental health education for trauma-sensitive care in every room and relationship.
Mailing Address:
11500 29 St SE #105
Calgary, AB T2Z 3W9
