Healing After Betrayal & the Impact on Relationships

Betrayals in relationships can be devastating, and the fallout can be all-encompassing and long-lasting. Betrayal can damage a relationship, sometimes leading to separation or divorce, and it can deeply affect our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and mental health.

Infidelity and emotional affairs

When we think of betrayal, infidelity often comes to mind: one partner breaking a promise to remain faithful.

In both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, partners usually agree on limits and expectations around sexual and emotional exclusivity. When one partner engages in secret emotional or sexual behaviour outside the relationship, it can break trust and threaten those commitments.

In her book on attachment injuries, relationship therapist Clare Rosoman describes how a breach of sexual and emotional trust can feel like a broken bone, bringing up hurt, anger, and blame in the partner who was betrayed.

A physically or emotionally intimate relationship with someone outside the relationship often comes with secrecy, lying, and changes in communication.

The betrayed partner may feel devastated, shocked, hurt, and angry, as if something precious has been lost forever. The partner who betrayed may feel many of the same things, often along with guilt, shame, and confusion.

Broken trust in relationships

Betrayal and broken trust can happen in many ways, not only through affairs.

People can also experience betrayal through crossed boundaries, a partner's absence during critical times, and threats to emotional safety. All of these can lead to broken trust and an injured attachment bond.

When boundaries in the relationship are crossed, trust can break much like it does with infidelity. These betrayals can be more hidden and less obvious, often leaving people confused and without support.

Sometimes betrayal looks like lying by omission, or keeping parts of your life secret from your partner for a long time. This can include deception, hidden habits, and withholding information.

Attachment injuries and emotional neglect

Another painful attachment injury is not being able to rely on your partner when you need them most.

Attachment science tells us we never need the people closest to us more than when we're stressed, vulnerable, or scared. One partner might say, You weren't there for me when my mom died, or Where were you when I needed you last year?

Research shows that the presence of a connected, loving partner can calm the brain's response to stress and threat. So when your partner is unresponsive in a time of need, it can deeply shake the security of your bond.

When safety is threatened

Threats to emotional or physical safety between partners can have a devastating impact on the relationship.

When your partner threatens your physical or emotional safety, you may feel an overwhelming sense of abandonment and betrayal. This could look like a partner gambling away the couple's savings, or engaging in risky behaviour that puts the other partner at risk of violence.

Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse can severely damage the safety and security of a relationship, making recovery very hard. As Rosoman explains, these injuries don't only break trust. They can change how one partner sees the other, from safe to unsafe.

If your partner is hurting, threatening, or controlling you, couples therapy usually isn't the right first step, and individual support is safer. You can call Alberta's Family Violence Info Line at 310-1818, 24/7, for confidential support.

Healing after betrayal

Couples therapy can be an important support for partners healing from betrayal and attachment injuries.

Couples therapy after a betrayal or attachment injury is often a challenging, vulnerable, and slow process. It can mean a deep dive into unprocessed emotions, past trauma, and the protective defences that keep partners disconnected and in conflict.

Just like a broken bone, the injury takes time to heal. With the right support, patience, and emotional vulnerability, many relationships can heal, and some grow even stronger than before.

Emotionally focused therapy for couples

A therapist trained in an evidence-based model like emotionally focused therapy (EFT) can guide partners through the hurt of a betrayal or attachment injury.

This approach can help rebuild trust in the relationship and security in the attachment bond.

Relationship Therapy in Alberta

If betrayal has shaken the trust in your relationship, reaching out for support can help.

Relationship therapy offers a space to understand the hurt, slow down the cycle of conflict, and find out whether trust can be rebuilt. A therapist can help you both move through the injury at a pace that feels safe.

Healing is possible.

This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you or someone you care about is in crisis or at risk of harm, please get help now. Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department. You can also call or text 988 any time for suicide and crisis support. For more options, see our crisis support page.

Source: Rosoman, C. (2025). Repairing Attachment Injuries in Close Relationships: An Emotionally Focused Guide to Moving Beyond Betrayal. Routledge.

About the Author

Samantha Kerr is a relationship therapist and Registered Clinical Social Worker with a Master of Social Work from the University of Calgary. She has 15 years of experience in mental health and advanced training in emotionally focused therapy. Sam is passionate about helping individuals and couples create healthy relationships.